Her Unique Glow

This week I wanted to share with you something that I have been going through over the past couple of months – I want to be real, open and honest with you in the hope that this maybe resonates with someone else! And that is…

the ‘cool’ kid.

We all remember those kids at school, don’t we? The ones that always seem to be centre of attention, with a massive following, tonnes of friends, beautiful, smart, always on trend…I mean the list is endless, right? Long story short, I was always the geeky kid in the background that was super desperate to be in with the ‘in’ crowd. I remember wishing that I was super confident and popular, that I could be sitting with them on the benches laughing and joking.

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I have known SO many people throughout my life, who put others down to big themselves up. I’m sure we all know people like that - those who have to put others down, even friends, to make themselves feel better or more important.

Now, I’m going to go ahead here and say that it totally sucks!!

I guess because I came across as shy and sensitive that I was an easy target for people like that, and I was constantly getting pulled down by other’s insecurities, and I hated it! At the end of the day all I wanted was to feel liked…doesn’t everybody?

What surprised me the most was that sort of behaviour didn’t stop at school, or sixth form, or university, or even the work place! It just sort of continued.

One major positive is that I realised from a very young age, that is what some people are capable of – that when some people put you down, it’s not because you deserve it but rather they are sharing their insecurities with you. It’s made me a stronger person and has always given me a determination to find ‘good’ people that I want to keep in my life, that build me up, motivate me and give me the courage to enjoy life to its fullest.

Those are the people we should be focusing on!

“The funny thing is, quite recently I got sucked back into the ‘cool’ kid cycle.”

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I love that part of my job is teaching fitness classes, I just love to share my energy and make others laugh – I always say my classes are meant to be an hour of laughter therapy. For about a year I was teaching one class at this centre and for the first few months, only a few people showed up. Literally 3 – it was a super small class. They seemed like lovely women, full of laughter, funny jokes and good stories.

After a while I noticed that at the end of the class rather than talking to me, they would walk off. Now, I should have been ok with that, right? At the end of the day that’s my job – to teach a class and go home. But it honestly felt like I had been isolated out of the ‘group’. I laughed to myself at how silly I was and just put it down to PMS (what women doesn’t put down negative feelings to PMS?!).

Fast forward a few months, the class was bigger, full of LIFE, LAUGHTER and ENTHUSIASM – everything I LOVE!! I was having a great time teaching it. However, it became a bit bitter sweet for me because those women were increasingly causing more and more distractions during the class – making fun of people, interrupting, talking over others, imitating and mocking – it honestly felt like the ‘cool’ kids were being naughty (except these were women, not children). I think that’s the bit that shocked me the most – that even grown women had it in them to put others down just to make themselves feel superior. It made me sad.

The problem was, I felt insecure, shy, nervous and inferior. Now why should I when it’s my class? But I guess I was just totally consumed by feeling I was not good enough for the cool kids again.

I got sucked back into that cycle.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way sometimes. No matter how old we get, there will always be moments in life where we don’t always feel fantastic or like we can rule the world Beyoncé style. There will always be people in life who are happy to pull others underneath them just so they can finish on top – and yes sometimes you just want to take a moment to feel sorry for yourself.

Well that stops there –

take a moment, and then get the hell out of there!

There is absolutely NO point in throwing the good old pity party for yourself, I mean, what does that honestly solve? About a month ago I was totally there – whining to my mum ‘why don’t people like me?’, complaining to my hubby that I’m not good enough. Lucky for me both my mum and hubby had no trouble in telling me to stop being ridiculous and to ignore those women.

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“We all have total control in the way we look at situations.”

I decided enough was enough – why should I be focusing on these women and how they made me feel when I can focus on all the other incredible humans that walked through the doors into my classes?

Sometimes in life you have to take a step back and assess why you’re feeling negative. Ask yourself these questions:

• How can I look at this in a positive light?
• What can I focus on that’s good?
• What happiness can I find to help drag me out of this funk?

The answer to my dilemma was simple – focus on all the other people that LOVED what I was about, that liked me as a person, that liked my teaching and to focus on everyone else that just had kindness in them. When I looked around – it was every single person apart from those women and omg I felt like a fool! But sometimes It’s too easy to be caught in the cool kid cycle. Sometimes all we want is to be accepted by the ‘in’ crowd.

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Well let me tell you this –

I am SO much happier knowing that the crowd I’m in with has kindness, that they have laughter in their souls and positivity in their hearts. My mum made such a valid point –

would I even want to be friends with the ‘cool’ kids knowing that they are not always nice people?

I’m pretty sure she’s asked me that question ever since I was a little girl, and I’m almost 100% sure I answered with a big fat NO!

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What I’m saying is this:

• Yes you will always meet the ‘cool’ kid no matter what age you are.
• It’s OK to feel insecure and inferior sometimes.
• We are all only human.
• Just be a nice human – simple.

Most of all – surround yourself with people who give you life! There are plenty around that you should never have to stick with those who drag you down.

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You are loved by so many people and you are worth everything. Next time you find yourself in the cool kid cycle – jump on the next train and get yourself the hell out of there! You don’t need to be with the ‘in’ crowd.

Go and make your own ‘in’ crowd.

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